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[Audiobook] Personal Development | Social Intelligence
Can you imagine transforming your personal and professional relationships simply by understanding the essence of social intelligence? This episode promises to uncover the intricacies of social awareness, starting with the critical role self-awareness plays in affecting others. We share practical techniques to prevent self-deception and highlight the importance of seeking constructive feedback, as showcased through Penny's journey. Her story illustrates how honest opinions and self-reflection can lead to remarkable self-improvement.
Judgment often clouds our perception of others and creates barriers in communication. By focusing on empathy and active listening, we can build genuine connections. Through real-life examples, like Donald's interaction with Brad, we demonstrate the transformative power of placing ourselves in others' shoes and truly listening. We emphasize how genuine emotions foster trust and how active listening enhances workplace dynamics, shifting our perspectives to see the "inside person."
Mastering the art of social cues and personal space is essential in both professional and social settings. Danielle's and Mary's experiences reveal how understanding non-verbal cues and maintaining composure can significantly improve interactions. We provide valuable tips on interpreting body language, choosing neutral conversation topics, and respecting personal space. Ellen's story as a new employee showcases how focusing on others and being open to change can build meaningful relationships and foster a supportive work environment. Join us for actionable insights and inspiring narratives that will equip you with the skills to navigate social interactions more effectively.
Sign up for our self-paced courses or instructor-led workshops at www.ht-a.solutions
Sign up for our self-paced courses or instructor-led workshops at www.ht-a.solutions
Sign up for our self-paced courses or instructor-led workshops at www.ht-a.solutions
Social Intelligence. Module 1. Getting Started. Social intelligence can seem like a complicated term and can make many of us feel nervous, but it is something we deal with every day and it can help us navigate better experiences in our social environment, whether we're at home or at work. Knowing how to be more aware of ourselves and our surroundings can help us make the best out of any social situation. Module 2. Increase your Self-Awareness. By being aware of our actions and behaviors, we change not only ourselves but our surroundings. We must be aware of what we are communicating and how our behaviors can affect others.
Speaker 1:Self-deception is commonly used to hide something from ourselves or prevent ourselves from accepting something. We try to make ourselves believe whatever we want and alter the facts in our mind. For instance, we can deceive ourselves by thinking that our presentation was the best in the group, or deceive ourselves by believing that people are talking about us. When we walk away, it can affect our relationships with others and give people the wrong impression. We walk away, it can affect our relationships with others and give people the wrong impression. One of the simplest ways to prevent this type of deception is to be direct. Always say what you mean and mean what you say don't try to deceive with alternative phrases or meanings when taking in information. Review it over before drawing conclusions. For instance, your presentation may have been very good, but do not assume it was the best in the group. While you are encouraged to build confidence and esteem by believing in yourself or believing you know what is best, there is no advantage to deceiving anyone.
Speaker 1:We often forget that one of the tools we can use to increase self-awareness is to ask for feedback from those around us. It doesn't have to be a lengthy or complicated process and can be done very professionally or casually. The people around us see our routine actions and behaviors and can offer an honest opinion. The thought of asking someone to share their opinions and thoughts about us may seem unnerving and even downright scary, but their advice and thoughts can prove invaluable. If possible, let the person know in advance that you want feedback so they have time to form an impression and gather any tips or hints. A random request for feedback, such as right after a meeting, can be acceptable too, but keep in mind the person may be caught off guard and unable to offer a good answer right away. The most important thing to remember when asking for feedback is to prepare yourself for what you may hear. Not all feedback will be positive. Take the advice and tips offered as tools to help you improve. Don't be defensive or angry just because the person delivering the feedback may have said something you don't particularly want to hear.
Speaker 1:We are creatures of habit and when things don't go our way, we tend to internalize and take things personally. Being open to change allows us to adapt to new surroundings and situations and helps us grow. Changing our attitude can help determine how we build our connections. Sometimes, after we receive feedback from our peers, we may need to change how we do things or behave in a group. Perhaps after a meeting, we decide we need to change how we plan our presentations. Whatever the reason, it is important to not disregard the importance of change and turn a blind eye to its prospects. Changing how we see ourselves and the people that surround us can have a positive impact on our attitudes and can help build better relationships with our peers. Tips for accepting change Determine how the change can benefit you. Don't assume a need for change is negative. Recognize that change is a chance for improvement. While feedback from other people can be a great tool, personal feedback can be just as valuable.
Speaker 1:Being reflective gives us a chance to learn from our experiences even our mistakes and recognize the chance for learning opportunities. By reflecting on our actions, we can see firsthand what actions we took, how they played out and what kind of effect they had on people. Use all of your senses to recreate an experience in your mind and the actions that you took. What behaviors did you exhibit? What did you feel at the time? What type of reactions did you receive from other people? Reflect on any body language cues you may have used and make note of any cues you may have seen in others. What intuitions or gut feelings do you feel from the experience? Do you feel as though gut feelings do you feel from the experience? Do you feel as though you have learned anything new from the experience? These steps can help you reflect on your actions and increase your self-awareness and your awareness of others.
Speaker 1:Penny wants to become more aware of her actions and how she comes across to people. She is speaking for the first time at a small conference held at her office building people. She is speaking for the first time at a small conference held at her office building. She is very nervous, but asks a co-worker, jimmy, to watch her speech and give her some feedback when she is through. When it was over, penny met up with Jimmy and asked him what he thought. Jimmy was able to offer several compliments on her delivery and attitude, but also had some helpful hints about certain items in the speech and how she used them. At first Penny was hurt, but when she reflected on her presentation and what Jimmy said she realized he was right and just trying to help. So Penny decided to research some new topic ideas and better prepare herself for the next speech she would have to give sometime in the future.
Speaker 1:Module 3. The Keys to Empathy. Empathy is one of our greatest interpersonal skills because it allows us to have better communication with people around us and increases our understanding of others. We know empathy can simply mean putting ourselves in the other person's shoes, but it can also mean taking an active role in getting to know people and treating them with respect. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening is considered a skill so, like any other skill, it must be honed. Listening allows an understanding of what a person is talking about. Building better listening skills starts with paying attention when someone speaks and actively listening to what they are saying, face them and making eye contact. Turn off any cell phones or pagers, or remove any item that can distract you and make you lose focus. You'll find that you will retain more of what is being said. Paying attention and developing better listening skills shows respect for the other person and builds rapport with them. Tips for better listening skills Remove any distractions. Make eye contact, nod your head periodically, ask for follow-up, details or information. Ask the person to repeat anything you may have missed.
Speaker 1:No matter how many times we hear the old phrase don't judge people or it's not our place to judge, we more than likely find ourselves doing it anyway. We just don't want to admit it. Whether subconsciously or not, we still find ourselves judging those around us, whether it is based on their clothes, job title, the way they talk or walk, gender, hair color, skin color, etc. When someone is speaking or completes a task, what do you think? Do you automatically make comments about how their assignment was too easy or that the way they speak is subpar to the group? Of course, you would never say this out loud or tell them directly, but in your mind, you have already made up your mind about them. Judging can create barriers. Every person has an inside person and an outside person. We see the outside person every day and form opinions without seeing everything. Don't forget that there is an inside person as well that may be entirely different to what you see outwardly.
Speaker 1:Empathy is defined as putting yourself in another person's shoes and seeing things from their point of view. When communicating with another person, think about how it would feel to be in their shoes and to do the things they have to do. How would you feel if you had to complete their assignment for the weekly meeting or if you had to conduct a speech in front of hundreds of people? Shifting your view does not mean that you have to entirely give up your opinions and thoughts. Just take a few minutes to reflect on the actions and words of another person and picture yourself in their situation. Think about what it would be like to stand in their shoes in the conference room or in front of the new manager. By doing this, you'll be better able to understand why they may act or speak a certain way and what can drive them to do what they do. By showing empathy, you are able to connect with this person and create an important relationship.
Speaker 1:It is never a good idea to fake emotions or feelings If you are not entirely happy about something or you feel anxious about something else. It is not a good idea to fake a smile or laugh just to appear happy. This fakeness will more than likely be detected, which can offend others around you or even make them feel insecure. Instead, be honest about how you feel and show honest concern for your peers. Be tactful when delivering negative feedback and offers helpful tips for improvement or changes. Although they may not accept your true feelings at first and may even seem angry about it, in the end they will appreciate the fact that you were honest with them and didn't wear a mask of fake emotions.
Speaker 1:Donald realized he was not connecting well with his other co-workers. Some of his co-workers were upset about the new workload, so he thought this would be a good time to show empathy and connect with some of them. He approached Brad and asked him how he felt about the new changes. Donald listened as Brad expressed anger about it and ranted about the overtime. Although Donald thought he may have been overreacting, he didn't mention these feelings out loud because he didn't want to judge Brad. Then Donald genuinely told him how he could see his point about the stress of having so much extra work to do and offered his support if he needed help. Brad thanked him for the offer and then asked if Donald wanted to grab some lunch before heading back to work.
Speaker 1:Module 4. Active Listening If you are waiting to speak while someone is speaking to you, you may lose out on important information and be denied the chance to make any real connection. By using active listening skills, you can learn more about other people and take an active interest in what they have to offer. Becoming an active listener will send you on your way to making better connections. Attunement is being aware and responsive to another person. When developing active listening skills, this tool will help you to connect with others and become more in tune with what they are saying. Since attunement relies heavily on non-verbal communication, it is important to pay attention to the signals that the other person sends as well as the ones you use. Key gestures such as smiling, hand gesturing, eye contact and body movement can signal a connection or a break in communication. Using these gestures opens the communication filed and forms a bond between you and your audience.
Speaker 1:Quite often, we hear something or witness something and jump to a between you and your audience. Quite often we hear something or witness something and jump to a conclusion about it right away. Maybe someone said something you didn't think was appropriate and you decide that the person has poor speaking skills. This quick judgment will only harm your business relationships because you've missed the chance to really listen and make a connection. If someone says something that makes you jump to a conclusion, ask them to repeat it or clarify what they said. Then take a few minutes to reflect on what was said or done, and then enough time to form a logical conclusion. Taking that little extra time can save you from jumping to unnecessary conclusions. In order to actively listen, shift the focus to the person speaking and become attuned to what they are saying, steps should include turning to face the person and making eye contact during the conversation. Nod your head periodically and give them time to pause or rest before responding when they have finished. Stay focused by asking questions about what you heard. Don't be afraid to ask them to clarify something you didn't catch or something you think you may have missed. By shifting your focus to them, you should be able to remember and comprehend most of what was said. From here, you will be able to offer suggestions or opinions and engage in open conversation.
Speaker 1:An error many make is to want to fix things when something has gone wrong. When we receive bad news, we often try to follow it up with it's not so bad or it could be worse. While this may seem like a helpful gesture, it can actually cause more harm than good, because it makes the other person feel as though their feelings are invalid. It gives the impression that you are not necessarily listening to their problem, but trying to brush it off and discount their feelings altogether. When a person is speaking about something they feel strongly about, recognize that this is the way they feel and that they are entitled to feel that way. Instead of trying to smooth the problem over, listen to what the person is saying and offer support. Let them know you are there to help. If only by listening, they will appreciate the gesture much more than any half-hearted solution or smooth-over phrase.
Speaker 1:Judy was talking with a co-worker about the new software they had received at work. Cindy complained a lot about having to learn how to work the software and how to use it every day. Judy could see where she was coming from, since it frustrated her too. Judy told her that the software wasn't so bad, which didn't make Cindy feel any better. Cindy complained so much that Judy got the impression that she didn't want to work there anymore. Judy decided to just ask Cindy if that was how she really felt. Cindy replied that she didn't dislike the system so much that she was contemplating leaving, but that she was very frustrated. Judy was relieved to hear that her friend didn't want to leave and was glad she took the time to listen to Cindy's opinions.
Speaker 1:Before drawing any conclusions Module 5. Before drawing any conclusions Module 5. Insight on Behavior.
Speaker 1:Behavior can be a complicated concept. Everyone is different and can interpret behaviors differently. Social settings can seem overwhelming at times, but having insight into why we behave the way we do can help us better understand how to navigate through the situation. Perception is an important tool in understanding behavior, as it helps us determine how we appear to others and how other people's behaviors can influence us. Your belief in yourself can affect your perception and can, in turn, affect your outward behavior. We may not always know exactly how people perceive us, but we can make our own conclusions based on our perception of their behavior. Do they come close when they speak or do they move away? Do they smile and interact or do they seem withdrawn? Do you use these thoughts when you perceive people and their behaviors. It is likely you form some of the same conclusions to determine how to interpret the behaviors they are displaying.
Speaker 1:Facts are based on definite results. Emotions are often involuntary and one-sided, but both can affect our behaviors and change how we act towards others. Facts can drive a conversation and allow people to connect on a logical level. Emotions are involved in everything we do, but sometimes they can affect the impact of our behavior and the information we are talking about. In a social situation, emotions can cause facts to become irrelevant and can even misconstrue the information given. For example, a male speaker may not be taken seriously at a feminism rally, or a group of teachers may not listen to a group of school board members. When you recognize that emotion may be driving the situation, it's time to reflect on the situation and rediscover the facts of the information. You may have to take the lead and remind everyone to focus on the facts and save the emotions for later.
Speaker 1:In our ever-growing world of technology, online communication can include emails, instant chats, video calls and even text messages. While this form of communication can be a quick and easy way to connect with someone and cut out the need to physically see them or pick up a telephone, quite often the intent of the message is lost. It is difficult to convey feeling, emotions or even tone in online communications, so the use of particular words is important to remember. People may not be able to hear the lightheartedness in your words or the stern demeanor in our office warnings. Online communication can seem impersonal, which could cause the recipient to feel insulted or even slighted. When possible, speak to the person face-to-face or by phone in order to get your message and feelings across. Save the electronic communications for quick and impersonal messages. Popular forms of online communication Blogs, emails, online memo, instant messaging, video or text chats.
Speaker 1:One of the best ways to monitor your behavior and the behavior of others is to learn to listen and watch more than you participate. When listening to others talk, focus on their words, not necessarily the person saying them. Don't get caught up in just one or two things they say, and try to stay focused, even though you may want to chime in, avoid making your own predictions and assumptions, and continue to listen until the end. By watching and listening more, we are better able to monitor the behaviors of others and our own. By focusing on the other person and their actions, we can develop better listening skills and catch more information than if we tried to assume it all ourselves. Tips for better listening Listen for verbal cues. Watch for non-verbal cues. Focus on what is being said, not the person. Be aware of your own behaviors and reactions.
Speaker 1:Robert was meeting with his partner, mitch, for lunch to discuss a recent project. When Mitch arrived he seemed agitated and it made Robert feel tense. As they talked about the project, robert noticed Mitch's behavior began to shift and he began to ease up. Robert asked him if something was wrong. Mitch confided that he was having personal trouble at home and it was affecting his work. Robert offered his support and told Mitch he could help him with the workload. Robert was glad he had asked Mitch about his behavior instead of just focusing on his own emotions and feelings about it.
Speaker 1:Module 6. Communication. Interpersonal communication is a great tool to connect with people on a deeper level and form a connection with them. Speaking interpersonally allows both parties to feel more at ease and able to open up to one another. Remember to be an active listener and be conscious of your own body language. It is a common courtesy in any conversation to speak respectfully and professionally. Treating others' ideas and opinions respectfully and with due consideration will help to build rapport. Don't be afraid to speak openly with your co-workers. They will be impressed that you can offer respect and trust so freely and will appreciate the effort you are making. Being consistent in what you say and do helps build a familiar base on which to form relationships. People will want to communicate with you when they can trust and depend on you.
Speaker 1:Ensure that your actions are consistent with what you say. In other words, do what you say you'll do. If you say you will meet someone after lunch to review a report, ensure that you are there early to greet them. If you volunteered to give a speech at the next work convention, be prepared ahead of time and be ready when the day arrives. Consistency equals reliability. Take a few minutes to reflect on your actions and note if they have been consistent over time. Are there behaviors you can change? What can you do differently in the future?
Speaker 1:Keeping cool in stressful situations can be a challenge and takes a lot of finesse to navigate through gracefully. It is perfectly normal to feel embarrassed or hurt at certain times. Instinctually, you may lash out or retaliate. The key to maintaining professional communication is to keep your cool at all times and not let the negative feelings take over. When something happens to upset you, take a minute to reflect, step away to compose yourself. Don't deny the other person their opinion, but let them know how you feel and how it affects you. A considerate co-worker will backtrack and try to readdress the problem in less negative terms If they are unwilling to realize that their opinion may not be worth the. A considerate co-worker will backtrack and try to readdress the problem in less negative terms If they are unwilling to realize that their opinion may not be worth the fight.
Speaker 1:Tips for keeping your cool. Try not to take words personally. Stop and reflect what was said, not how it was said. Make a note to learn from this experience. Ask yourself if the person had reason for what was said. If so, what can you do to change it? Body language speaks volumes. People may say one thing, but their body language can say another, meaning they may not be truthful in what they say. By understanding someone's non-verbal cues, you can be better prepared to communicate with them while at the same time be more aware of the non-verbal message you are sending. Even though there are times that we can send mixed messages, we make the effort to get our point across using certain behaviors.
Speaker 1:Danielle was giving a presentation in front of her co-workers and was a little nervous about what they would think. She was friendly with all of them but was unsure how they would react to her work. During the presentation she spoke with each co-worker and answered their questions respectfully. As she looked around the room she didn't see a lot of negative body language such as yawning or wandering eyes, which she took as a good sign. When her presentation was complete, she spoke with each co-worker and got their opinions and thoughts. One co-worker in particular told Danielle that she didn't like the presentation at all and thought Danielle needed to work harder on the next one. Danielle became furious at her negativity but took a minute to think it over. She knew it was her co-worker's opinion and didn't want to let it ruin her work. She thanked the woman for her insight and told her she would do her best.
Speaker 1:Module 7. Social Cues, part 1. Social cues are verbal or non-verbal hints that let us know what someone may be thinking or feeling when in a social situation. It is important to keep an eye out for these social cues and ensure our behavior isn't contributing to them. While some cues can be obvious, others may be very subtle, so we must train ourselves to be able to recognize them very subtle. So we must train ourselves to be able to recognize them.
Speaker 1:Social situations are not a one-size-fits-all situation, because the people in each situation are different. We must learn to adapt to this ever-changing group. This does not mean we have to change who we are or hide our own personality, but rather change how we present ourselves. Some of the best hints we can use are the ones we get from other people. How are they behaving? How are they behaving? How are they working through the event? Do you know all of them? Are there faces you do not recognize? With this information in mind, determine what type of social situation you may be in. Is this a formal gathering? Is it a business meeting or function with co-workers, maybe a few friends catching a bite to eat? The key is to recognize your surroundings and the people involved, to help determine how to present yourself. Questions to ask in a social situation what is the gathering for? Who is present? Do we share common interests?
Speaker 1:Not all non-verbal cues are obvious, but a person's eyes will always give them away Without blatantly staring. Try to observe how they are looking at you and others. Do certain words or phrases make them blink more or dart their eyes in another direction? Are they staying focused on a subject for a long period of time? Many feelings or behaviors we try to keep to ourselves will often be apparent through the eyes. Common eye behaviors, such as rolling the eyes or looking around frequently, can be signs of boredom or discomfort. If a person looks at you while talking or moves their eyebrows while listening to you talk, this can be a sign of interest or curiosity. Common eye behaviors Eye rolling, blinking too much or too little, wandering eyes not looking directly at a person Long blinks.
Speaker 1:It has been said that non-verbal communication is the most powerful form of communication, since it can expand beyond voice, tone and even words. It accounts for over 90% of our communication methods. Although the differences in nonverbal communication can be different in certain situations amount of personal space or use of hand gestures most cues send the same message across the board. Nonverbal cues include facial expressions, body movements, eye movement and various gestures. Common nonverbal cues include folding the arms, gripping or moving hands while speaking, rolling the eyes and changing the tone of voice. Do you notice these gestures when speaking with people? When thinking of your own behavior? Do you find yourself making any of these gestures when you are in a social situation. If so, think of ways you can try to eliminate some of them and replace them with more welcoming or outgoing gestures instead. Common nonverbal cues Folding the arms, looking around frequently, tapping the feet or clasping hands, fidgeting, moving closer or farther away.
Speaker 1:Verbal cues are more easily noticed and usually framed in a specific tone. Phrases such as did you see the new rules in the handbook? Or I can't wait to see the projections for this week add emphasis to certain words to stress a point or effect. Other verbal cues to be aware of pauses when speaking, pitch, volume of the voice. When in a social situation, listen to those around you and determine what verbal cues you can pick up on. Are they positive or negative? Do they appropriately portray the message being sent? Do you find yourself using these verbal cues? When we recognize these cues in others, we can learn to identify them in ourselves and ensure that we are not projecting the wrong message. Common verbal cues Voice tone or pitch, word emphasis, volume, uncomfortable pauses or word inserts.
Speaker 1:Mary was at a small office party the company was holding to discuss new department assignments. She walked around and spoke to all of the employees and chatted with them about work and non-work aspects of their life. She noticed many of them seemed uneasy, since they would avert their eyes or stay away from some of the other workers. Others seemed to be at ease with the changes, since they were openly asking questions and making positive comments. Mary decided to ask one of the workers how they were handling the changes and although they said it was alright, mary could tell in their eyes that they were uneasy. She asked them if there was something she could do, but the employee just shook his head. Mary was uncertain if he was really alright, but she supposed she would have to wait and see if he opened up to her or not.
Speaker 1:Module 8. Social Cues, part 2. Social cues can enhance or even downplay what is being said or portrayed in a situation. The social cue needs to be interpreted correctly if it is to have a positive impact on a social situation, not make it worse. People who are equipped to identify and understand these social cues are more likely to act appropriately to them.
Speaker 1:As in all situations, there is a possibility of going from one extreme to the other. On one side of the spectrum, a person can be very obvious with their cues, such as speaking very loudly or making very large and awkward hand gestures. These types of cues are easy to spot and can often make people feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, there are cues that are more subtle and can often be missed, such as excessive eye blinking or expressing words in a certain tone. More subtle cues may go unnoticed and inadvertently portray the wrong message. The key is being able to recognize each side of this spectrum and the various ways a social cue can go wrong and right at the same time. When you familiarize yourself with the potential extremes, you'll better equip to catch the cues and adapt your behavior faster.
Speaker 1:It's natural to want to react to a cue we may recognize. Are you bored? Did I offend you? Did you understand? But these approaches are not the best solution to connect with people and gain an understanding of their behavior. When you notice a social cue such as rolling eyes or a shrill voice, take a moment to consider the context of that action. Is it being directed at you or someone else? Does the behavior continue? Maybe the behavior was a one-time occurrence? How can you adapt to the situation? Was there something you said to trigger this feeling? Does this person have something they want to share? Perhaps it's time to take a step back from this person. They may need a moment to review and reflect. Whatever the result, remember to refrain from jumping to conclusions. Always take a minute to two before responding.
Speaker 1:There are times we have to be flexible and adapt to a situation. Perhaps the room contains more people than we are comfortable with, or maybe others are sending cues of boredom or annoyance. Think about what you can do to help the situation. Start a conversation with people that seem distant or unsure. Lead by example and speak in lower pitches or in casual tones. People around you will catch on to the cues you are sending out and will adapt. This may not always work, but it is one way we can help ourselves navigate a difficult situation.
Speaker 1:Edward Hall was one of the first people to define and characterize personal levels of spaces. The outermost space around us is our public space, such as in a large room. Coming in closer is our social space, such as talking with a group of friends. The next inward space is our personal space, which is usually within arm's reach of us. This space is usually on reserve for invitation only, meaning we do not like people to be in our personal space unless we initiate it and welcome them into it. In social situations, this can be a hard thing to manage. The key is to refrain from being rude if someone has encroached on your space. If this person is too close, take a few steps to the side and create a subtle distance. If you must leave the space, always excuse yourself politely and move to an open area If possible. Take a few steps around the room every so often, which keeps you mobile and doesn't allow for crowding. Remember this is the time to be adaptable, so you may need to be flexible with your surroundings to feel more at ease. Tips for keeping your personal space personal Excuse yourself politely when leaving a group. Step to the side to create subtle distance. Walk often or roam about the area if possible. Opt for a handshake when greeting people. It allows the other person to stay at arm's length. Be aware of cultural differences in personal space.
Speaker 1:Andrew was working with a group of co-workers that were developing a new project. Many of them worked on different shifts, so it was hard for them to keep their schedules together. Right away, andrew noticed many of them displayed very different social cues, such as being very aggressive, and some were more non-verbal. As he reviewed the situation, he realized that if he was going to work well with the group, he would need to adapt some of his habits and attitudes, so Andrew made sure he kept his mind open and made himself flexible in order to get the project finished, he stayed out of everyone's personal space but was available when needed. At the end of the project, andrew reflected back on his experience and noted that, even though it helped him learn new social cues, it was not something he thought he could get used to.
Speaker 1:Module 9. Conversation Skills. Conversation is like an adhesive that can bring people together. It can make friends, create networks and even seal a deal. When engaged in a conversation, consider the following the topic, the tone, your presentation. Only when you are familiar with these aspects will conversation in social situations become second nature.
Speaker 1:Discussing current events can be a great platform to build upon your conversational skills. Tragic events such as war or weather disasters can entice to join in on the conversation. Of course, more pleasant events such as an economic upswing or the cost of gas decreasing can be a more uplifting discussion. Discussing what is going on in the world allows for group members to connect on many levels, but be aware of current events that can cross into sensitive topics such as politics or religion, since these can offend some people and cause tension within a group. Sometimes, when we speak in social situations, the lines of safe conversation topics can become blurred. We become too comfortable and begin talking about subjects that seem fine but can be offensive or rude to some. It is recommended to stick to topics that are considered safe for everyone, such as common work areas or hobbies, sporting events, television or movies and even forms of travel. These topics create connections and friendships. Some topics to avoid include religion, gossip, risque jokes and the government and politics. When all else fails, you can always talk about the weather. Topics to avoid in a group Religion, politics, personal health, prejudice topics, racism, sexism, etc. Including jokes.
Speaker 1:It is important to learn about verbal and nonverbal cues, to look and listen for when in a social situation, nonverbal cues such as crossing the arms or turning heads away signal discomfort or disinterest. Cues such as full smiles or open hands can be positive in nature and signal approval and happiness. Many cues that are subconscious are not always displayed on purpose In the midst of a conversation. Look around. Do you see any of the typical cues such as eye-rolling, loud speaking, turned bodies or inappropriate laughter? If so, what can you do to change the situation or even adapt to it. Cues to look for. Cues signaling boredom or annoyance. Cues signaling anger or offense. Cues signaling different types of body language, whether open or closed. Cues signaling disinterest or discomfort.
Speaker 1:Whether you're engaged in conversation with one person, a few people or even a large group, it is important to give your undivided attention when listening to other people, nod your head and make eye contact to let them know they have your complete attention. They will feel more at ease If you know ahead of time that you will be speaking. Remember to turn off your phone or set it to vibrate so it will not be a distraction. The emails or notifications can usually wait until after your conversation. Tips to remember Make eye contact, nod and show facial movements, ask questions or make a follow-up comment. Remove distractions such as cell phones.
Speaker 1:Tina was having a group discussion with some of her co-workers during one of their weekly meetings. One of the topics that came up was about the government and the effect it had on the company. While Tina thought this would be interesting to discuss, she thought that the mention of government and politics at work could start arguments between co-workers. So Tina decided to change the subject to the recent growth of the company and how it was doing so well with the new changes. She noticed some of the other co-workers let out a small sigh, possibly out of relief. Soon they were discussing current events, which made everyone feel more connected. As each person spoke, tina made sure to offer her full attention to let them know she was interested in what they had to say. Soon the group was talking about much more positive topics that were safer to discuss at work.
Speaker 1:Module 10. Body Language. Body language relies on body movements as gestures. It accounts for over 90% of the language we use. It can provide cues and hints about how the other person is feeling and thinking. Learning to read body language is important, since people may not always say what is on their mind. Unless the room is covered in mirrors, we may not always be aware of the body language we are displaying. Since the majority of body language is non-verbal, we cannot always control what we are saying. So we must learn to be aware of our movements and gestures to prevent miscommunication. Look at yourself in a reflective surface, such as a mirror or a piece of glass, and practice saying things from a recent conversation you've had. Do you show any signs of body language and what are they? Listen to what other people are saying when they talk to you. Look at the way they act or behave when they are around you or when they speak directly to you. Their body language can often let you know how you are coming across and let you know what message you may be sending out into the room, even if you are not aware of it.
Speaker 1:When we rely on words alone, we can accidentally let all sorts of meanings and phrases that were never meant to come out. Linguistic tools such as tone, emphasis and even pitch can make the simplest or nicest phrase come out wrong. The emphasis we place on certain words comes naturally but might seem off-putting to others and lead to a confused message. Practice saying the following phrase with tone and emphasis on a different word each time. I'd like to help you work on your presentations. I'd like to help you work on your presentations. I'd like to help you work on your presentations. Do you hear the different messages that the same phrase can have with different words stressed? The words we say only make up half of our message. The rest is in how you say it phrase can have with different words stressed. The words we say only make up half of our message. The rest is in how you say it.
Speaker 1:Our body language is like a traffic light to the those around us. Open body language can signal a green light for people to approach and engage in conversations. Closed body language can signal a red light and make people want to keep their distance. Open body language includes gestures such as having open hands and palms, making eye contact and reaching out to greet someone. Closed body language, such as crossing the arms, turning the head away and constantly fidgeting, is much less inviting. This kind of body language can make you seem defensive and withholding from those around you. If you wish to communicate well with others, it is important to realize how to use, and not use, your body to speak out. Examples of open body language Feet facing forward, smiling face, open palms, making eye contact. Examples of closed body language Looking away or around the room, crossing the arms or legs, turning your body away, rolling the eyes or blinking excessively.
Speaker 1:When you communicate with others, you want your message to be powerful. Before you begin, think about what you want to say and how you want your message to come across. When you finish speaking, listen to what the other person has to say, nod your head and ask follow-up questions. Turn your body to the other person and give them your full attention. During the session, as always, remove any distractions. Tips for communicating with power Think before you speak. Be an active listener. Watch for verbal and non-verbal cues. Be aware of your body language.
Speaker 1:Seth was speaking with a couple of his co-workers about the recent report they had finished. It was a challenging report so some of the co-workers were still tense. When Seth approached them they would cross their arms or turn their body away from him. He thought maybe he was coming across as too aggressive in his movements, so he decided to try and make softer, more open movements. Some of them felt more at ease, but others did not. They were not happy about how Seth had given the results of the report and had implied that they had not worked hard enough. Seth then realized that the words he had used during their discussion must have come across wrong and he needed to readdress the topic. So Seth gathered everyone together and rediscussed the report, this time making sure to be aware of not only the words he used but the tone and emphasis as well.
Speaker 1:Module 11. Building Rapport. Creating rapport in the business world is the foundation of building professional relationships and networks. Gaining the confidence and trust of others puts them at ease when in social situations, try mirroring the behaviors and social cues of those you speak with and find common ground to formulate conversation. Building rapport early on can help you be successful later in business and create fewer awkward moments in social situations.
Speaker 1:Building rapport is about standing out and standing above others around you to make connections and networks with various people. While this can seem like an aggressive gesture, it is actually just the opposite. Taking the high road is being humble and putting others before yourself. Don't treat the situation like a competition, but rather more of a showcase. Show others that you can be a great listener as well as a contributor to a team or group, while others are scrambling around you to show off their talents and skills. To come out as the top dog. Take the road less traveled and have a lower profile to display. Offer your input and take interest in what the other person is saying. By showing you can stand out over the others without trying to crush them. Shows that you can display great skills without having to put others down in the process. Remember, building rapport is about building connection, not destroying them.
Speaker 1:When you want to build rapport with another person or group. The key element is to actually take yourself out of the equation, although you have things to say and contribute. Spend more time listening to what they have to say and ask follow-up questions to expand on their ideas. Building rapport requires you to develop an honest interest in others. Become interested in the people around you and what they do and stand for. When people feel that you care about their lives and what they do, they are more inclined to open up and share, opening the gates to build stronger connections and longer relationships. Key points to remember Be an active listener, show interest in their ideas and thoughts, ask for follow-up information. Offer opinions as needed, but focus on them.
Speaker 1:When we meet new people, names and faces can become a blur. Most people are great at remembering one or the other, but rarely both. Creating rapport means being able to recall a person at a later time. One of the main reasons we forget a person's name or face is because we are not truly listening or paying attention when we are being introduced. Put your mind at ease so that you can easily register the person's face and their name. When you look at the person, look for any features that stand out, such as hair color, facial features, scars or even the use of makeup. Remembering a key characteristic while fully listening to their name will help you at a later date. Tips to remember names and faces Say their name immediately after hearing it. Don't be afraid to ask them to repeat their name. Associate a gesture with their greeting, such as a handshake or smile. Remember distinct features.
Speaker 1:One of the best ways to start building connections is to ask good questions To create meaningful work relationships. Ask questions that don't have a right or wrong answer but will spark conversation. Ask open-ended questions that pertain to what a person likes about their job and what kind of advice they would offer new hires. Try to avoid simple yes or no questions or questions that can make you seem as though you are encroaching on their territory. You're trying to build a bridge, not burn it. Sample questions to ask what do you enjoy most about blank? What kind of advice would you offer a new hire? What are some of your accomplishments with the company? What is one thing you would want everyone to know about your business?
Speaker 1:Ellen was a new employee at a marketing group. She was fairly shy, but wanted to build rapport and gain associates while she was here, as she met each one of her co-workers. She made an effort to remember their names and faces for future reference. She made sure she let them know she was available to help when needed and could help out with different tasks. While Ellen still remembered to do her share of the work, she tried to think more about her co-workers and focus less on herself so that she could get to know everyone better. When she did get a chance to speak with them, she always asked in-depth questions and asked for their advice. Over time, ellen had built a great rapport with this group of co-workers and felt like she had built a great network with them as well.
Speaker 1:Module 12. Wrapping Up. Although this workshop is coming to a close, we hope that your journey to improve your social intelligence skills is just beginning. We wish you the best of luck on your continuing journey. Words from the wise John Gardner some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are. Aj McLean, be very, very patient and very open-minded and listen to what people have to say. Mahatma Gandhi, interdependence is, and ought to be, as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being. Scott Adams, you don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
